I am so upset at the moment because I feel like j had a breakthrough and it's not the good kind after bringing up to my mom about the past weekends events and how my sister made us leave so fast I'm so upset because I've realized that for the past 25 years I've been playing by everyone elses rules never taking into consideration my own feelings and wants but instead putting everyone first I feel a bit like I'm losing myself in the crowd. Sure I may be the older kid but that doesn't mean you get noticed. Instead you are the straight arrow, the one who doesn't fight back but instead bends in the wind and contorts herself into the things that everyone would like her to be. She brings home good grades, rarely disobeys and stays close to home instead of being disorderly and disrespectful. I'm not the pretty one, most popular or the boys first pick; instead it's the other way around. always early never late fully dependable and willing to do just about anything to help someone else out, sometimes getting trampled and worn out in the process.
For once... Just once... I want my time to shine. I want it to be about me, for people to ackowledge me for who i am and not for everything they would like me to be because in all of this I am not only losing myself but not being able to figure out exactly who I am.